With little to guide her but a feeling that something was wrong with her, Goodwin sought solace and community in the British equivalent of fundamentalist Christian churches. It was there that she first explored her skills as a performer — writing, singing, and recording albums of Christian music. It was also there that Goodwin, at the age of 18, fessed up about her same-sex attractions and elected to have an exorcism to rid her of the “demons” that had led her astray. The day-long ordeal evoked an Oscar-worthy performance, featuring growling and swearing, which is what the teenage Goodwin assumed an exorcism ought to deliver. In perfect British style, she and her exorcists took an afternoon break for tea and biscuits.
She went on to live with nuns in Italy, serve as a missionary in Honduras, teach and counsel at-risk teens in an embattled London school district, have an 11-year affair with a married woman, find her way to the U.S. through a master’s program in spiritual psychology at the University of Santa Monica, and take ayahuasca — a powerful hallucinogen used by shamans to facilitate spiritual healing — with a tribe in the Amazon.
All of this and more is explored to hilarious and heartbreaking effect in Goodwin’s one-woman show, “A Very British Lesbian,” which she’ll perform at Pilgrim House on Thursday through Saturday as part of Provincetown’s Women’s Week. She’ll also explain how she made the leap from her previous life, which she describes as “constricted and small,” to become the liberated and vibrant person who appears onstage.
“I’d always wanted to be a performer,” Goodwin says. “I loved singing and playing guitar and would busk on the streets of London and Paris. I really wanted to go to acting school, but you have to kiss people when you act, and I was afraid I’d be found out, since I couldn’t play a convincing heterosexual. And as a strict Christian, I wasn’t sure if my church would sanction kissing outside of marriage. I was very frightened and straitlaced at that time.”
She managed to hone her skills as a performer nonetheless. “As a high school teacher,” she sayd, “I worked with students with emotional and behavioral issues. Teaching, in part, is a vehicle for children to see and feel love and to have relationships outside of the home. I learned to motivate and inspire kids with my personality. In that way teaching is a lot like stand-up — learning to command a room — with the exception that most audiences at comedy clubs are rooting for you. I think there must be a million budding actors and stand-up comedians in schools all over the world.”
But it wasn’t until she completed a rigorous course of self-examination as part of her master’s program that she felt free enough to own her sexuality fully and create the life she’d longed for. She made the decision to buy a houseboat, become a stand-up comedian, and live completely out. She hasn’t looked back.
Without the growls and curses, she managed to exorcize the real cause of her pain. “I’ve recognized that not living an authentic, integrated life can be life-threatening. I saw this in myself when I developed a debilitating illness before I came out, and I’ve also witnessed this kind of suffering in others. The show is really about love, looking for it, wanting to share it, as well as finding your own truth. It’s about our shared humanity, about accepting difference, and being brave.”
In honor of the 35th anniversary of Women’s Week, Goodwin took a moment to consider who she was 35 years ago and what she might say to that young woman struggling to find love and self-acceptance. “I’d say, ‘Fiona, you’re going to have the most adventurous and remarkable life, and it’s going to be fine in the end. The kids are all right.’ ”
Lesbian thespian
The event: Fiona Goodwin in “A Very British Lesbian”
The times: Thursday, Oct. 17, at 4:30 p.m.; Friday, Oct. 18, at 5:30 p.m.; Saturday, Oct. 19, at 1:30 p.m.
The place: Pilgrim House, 336 Commercial St., Provincetown
The cost: $25 at pilgrimhouseptown.com
