Robert Matthew Collis, a lifelong visitor to Provincetown who found acceptance and a spiritual home here, died on June 28, 2024 of lung cancer. He died in hospice care at the Port Charlotte, Fla. home of his cousins Suzanne and Joe Murphy, who had cared for him when he was well and in his illness. He was 57.
The son of Charles D. Collis and Margery Anne Collis, Robert was born on Dec. 13, 1966 in Charleston, S.C. Because his father was a Naval officer who had risen to the rank of commander, the family moved through nine different postings, mostly in the South, during Robert’s boyhood.
Often deployed overseas, Robert’s father was only an intermittent presence in Robert’s life and was unaware that his wife would oscillate between neglect and physical abuse of Robert while his father was gone. “She broke yardsticks and numerous wooden spoons on him,” said Robert’s brother Leighton, “so he learned to hide in the closet in absolute silence.”
Robert’s father “was a kind and gentle man,” Leighton said, “and had no idea what was going on when he was away.”
Robert was 13 when his father died of lung cancer, and his mother took him, his older brother, and younger sister to North Falmouth, where they had a family home. The transition to North Falmouth after a childhood in the South was particularly hard on Robert, Leighton said.
Feeling uneasy at home and disconnected from Falmouth, Robert ran away at 16 to live with his best friend, Kathleen Lyons, and her family. The Lyons family were the owners of Remembrance of Things Past at 376 Commercial St. in Provincetown, where Robert later worked, and the Lyons family remained his lifelong friends.
During his late teens and early 20s, Robert returned to his mother’s home for a time before going back to the Lyons’ home, a back-and-forth pattern that was marked by periods of drug use and drinking, rehab and relapse. On top of that, Robert came out as gay during the intolerant 1980s. His mother shunned him; he was bullied and then seriously injured in a series of car accidents.
Despite his physical and emotional injuries and an upbringing that did not provide a safe home, Robert was never bitter, Leighton said. “He made his own way, undaunted, charming, and utterly his own,” brushing off the abuse to live a meaningful life, Leighton said. He was always kind to others and was a gentle man like his father, Leighton said.
Provincetown brought Robert great joy, Leighton said. While never a year-rounder — Robert split each year between Provincetown and Port Charlotte — the town’s gay community became his own. “In Provincetown,” Leighton said, “Robert felt young, attractive, and loving for the first time in his life.”
He was also a natural in the hospitality industry. Even though he did not finish high school and never went to college, he was well informed; he paid attention to world events and was wickedly funny, with a dry sense of humor.
Robert worked in Boston and New York City at the Rainbow Room and other venues. He also worked at the Governor Bradford and had a business cutting lawns, cat sitting, and the like.
He worked hard and prospered, and he traveled extensively to Paris, London, Italy, and Egypt, sometimes with friends and sometimes alone.
He paid for his first trip to Paris, where he developed his fashion sense, with a $2,000 gift from his mother. “He was exquisitely fashion-forward and lucky to be perpetually thin,” said Leighton. “He looked like Robert Palmer’s younger, more beautiful brother.”
Robert never settled down with a long-term partner. He did, however, reconcile with his mother.
Robert was a wonderful uncle to his nieces and nephew, delighting them with simple adventures like hermit crabbing, cruising on Main Street, and sailing like pirates, and in the process providing inspiration, guidance, and unconditional love.
He was a “friend of Bill,” and made many friends through AA meetings. Because of his life’s journey, he lent support to many people in dire straits and could be counted on to bring laughter to the toughest of times. “He was beautiful, unbroken, and kind,” Leighton said.
Robert is survived by his brothers, Dave Collis of Richmond and Leighton Collis and wife Virginia of Nantucket; his sister, Kristen Boucher of Cataumet; his cousin, Suzanne Murphy, and husband Joe Murphy of Port Charlotte, Fla. and North Falmouth; and his nephew and nieces: James Collis, Caroline Collis, Arielle Boucher, Morgan Lyons, and Gigi Downey.
Robert was predeceased by his parents and by his beloved dachshund, Juliet.
Visiting hours and a memorial service and reception were held at Nickerson-Bourne Funeral Home on Aug. 14. At Robert’s insistence, he will be buried next to his mother at Oakland Grove Cemetery in Bourne on a date to be determined.
In lieu of flowers, donations in Robert’s name can be made to Dachshund Rescue of North America at drna.org.
