Like so many others, I’m trying to find my bearings, my way forward. One moment, I’m ready for action, for the resistance (again), ready to fight Trump (again), but then it hits me that this time the fight isn’t just against Trump but against authoritarianism and Project 2025, which, if implemented, essentially amounts to fascism.
And then my brain hurts, and I feel tired. I tell myself, “That’s it. No more news. I’ll just scroll to the bottom of the New York Times to the Mini Crossword and Wordle. No more NPR or Heather Cox Richardson. I’m done.” I go to the Wellfleet library and renew my card, which I learn had expired in 2022. I take out a novel that friends rave about and bury myself in it. I start knitting the hat I had promised my daughter months ago. There you go. That’s self-care.
But it doesn’t work. I continue to manically teeter between digging in and checking out. My husband is getting tired of my glum look and constant sighs.
Then there’s the guilt for being so angry and depressed. I count my blessings — my family, friends, community, and living on the Cape with its beauty, serenity, and natural magic. I am so fortunate, and I am grateful.
I go to the beach and stare at the ocean on consecutive days, the first calm and blue with small, graceful waves, the next an angry boil stirred up by the northeast wind. Slowly, a glimmer of clarity begins to emerge: all these emotions can be present and valid at the same time. My grief and gratitude can coexist. I can engage and fight and still take care of myself.
I tune into Indivisible’s national call. Organizers Ezra Levin and Leah Greenberg and guest speaker Sen. Elizabeth Warren remind us that Indivisible’s activism helped save the Affordable Care Act in 2017 when the GOP had bigger margins in Congress than they’ll have come January.
My desired way forward is getting clearer. I’m going to try to engage and be active while also enjoying my oh-so-many blessings. That’s the path I want to follow. I’m going to try.
Janet Warren lives in Wellfleet.
