When I moved here as a kid a million years ago — OK, not a million, but it was a different century — it was a very different Cape Cod. Middle-class and working people could vacation here. We braced for the onslaught of summer people, but most who lived or vacationed here came pretty joyfully.
The other day a friend posted on social media asking if we had noticed a lot more road rage and impatience. Yes! I have never heard so many angry car horns blaring as this summer. And the impatience and lack of manners isn’t just on the road. It’s in our stores, coffee shops, and restaurants. Nine and a half times out of 10, when I’m driving and I let someone trying to make a turn in, I get no thank-you wave. I notice the same dismissiveness in stores.
Where have our manners and civility gone? Have we been looking down at our phones for so long that we’ve stopped looking up to see the human beings right in front of us?
Granted, this isn’t completely new. Years ago I wrote a piece for a local paper about a grown man yelling at my then teenage son, who was working at an ice cream shop, because he was handed a cone with the wrong sprinkles.
It was around that time that I created a mantra I often use, born of a challenging time in my life. When something not that important happens and I feel upset, I say to myself, If this is the worst thing that happens to me today, I am doing very well. I’ve said it aloud to a person who was berating a young barista about how their latte had somehow failed them.
This impatient, mean-spirited attitude shows up on community pages on social media, where a simple well-intentioned question can spiral into vitriolic personal jabs. Someone asked about rules related to early-morning leaf-blowing, and suddenly they’re labeled a “Karen” and told to go back where they came from. Really?
Granted, I roll my eyes at some posts — people, let the topic of sculpture in the new South Orleans rotary go already. But there’s no need to insult anyone. Is that how you would tell your child to behave?
Whether you live here or are visiting, try to be your best self. Maybe a self from a time before angry tweets, before we dehumanized each other. We’re all in this together. When you’re in traffic you are traffic. When you’re in line to get your ice cream, be grateful that’s where you are — moments away from enjoying something delicious.
Yes, I am a Pollyanna, and I’m not apologizing for it. Life is too short and too often rife with illness, sadness, and truly terrible things to get angry over small annoyances. Say thank you, say please, and hold the door open for the person entering as you exit.
Back in 2008 there was a movie called Be Kind Rewind. I suggest that we be kind and unwind. Don’t lean on your car horn, yell at a barista, or get into a scuffle over a parking space. You are in one of the most beautiful places on the planet. Relax. And don’t forget to wave when someone lets you in.
Candace Hammond is a novelist who lives in Orleans.
